1. I am not sleeping...barely at all (unless I'm at Lens). Tonight is the second time I've been awake all night, and most nights I don't get to sleep until roughly 4. I do not want to tell my parents any of this because I feel guilty.

2. I think I have lost weight, and if I have, it's because I do not want to eat any of the food we have, because it is all healthy and heart-smart and tasteless. I most likely cannot afford to lose weight. (nor can I afford to buy my own food) I do not want to tell my parents any of this because I feel guilty.

3. The admittedly revolting habit I had for five years (of tearing at my hair a piece at a time...I was actually medicated for it for a long time) mysteriously ceased by about 90% while I was out west, but since my return home, has re-instated itself with a vengeance. I do not want to tell my parents this, because I feel guilty.

There's a theme here.

My entire life revolves on an axis of guilt when I am home.

I understand they are not doing this to me deliberately...this is just their particular method of parenting. Either way, I need to get out of this house, for my own well-being. This will be difficult, however, considering the fact that prospective employers seem to be avoiding me like the plague. That too, is really starting to get to me.

A lot of things are really starting to get to me these days.

PS: Sorry this entry was so bitter. I'm more tired than I've been in a long, long time.