I wish I could just open up my skull and spill out something beautiful and haunting. Poetic. Something that really moves people; triggers emotion. Some people can do that effortlessly, but I can't, not really. I mean, I'm sure it's in there somewhere, but there's just too much crap piled on top of it. The thing is, I worry. About my job, my life, my future, Len, my parents, my friends, total strangers even. I worry about people liking me, thinking I'm funny, thinking I'm attractive. I apologize profusely for everything I do. I literally tear my hair out, for christ' sakes. I'm not sure if I worry more than most people, but I'm beginning to suspect that I do. I am often anxious. I take little, insignificant things and turn them over and over and over until they become big, horrifically upsetting things. Len does this also, so he understands and does not freak out when I freak out. Well, what about everyone else, you may ask? How do they react to your apparant instability? See, that's just it. I don't think my instability is apparant to anyone else but me, and perhaps that is the problem. Either I'm unstable and I'm the only one who knows it, or I'm not unstable and my attention-starved brain is just trying to trick me into *thinking* that I am.

I suspect, and am hoping for, the latter.

As a sidenote, I realize this entry sounds like A. I'm losing my mind. B. I'm having one of said freak-outs right *now*. I assure you that neither is the case...I'm feeling tired, but good. I've just been thinking a lot about...everything, lately.