In other news, and as I mentioned earlier, it looks like I'm going to be leaving town for awhile to seek my fortune in Jasper, Alberta. If everything goes according to plan, I should be leaving in about three weeks to a month, and returning sometime around the end of August. It's highly unlikely that I will have any sort of access to the internet at all, considering I will be living in staff accomodations and will have limited access to even a phone. Anyway, it's not going to be permanent...we have to come back by september because Len will be going to school.

Here's a picture of Jasper Park Lodge, where I'll be working:

It's hard to describe how beautiful it is in Jasper...it completely takes your breath away. It's like you aren't even on the same planet...

On a somewhat unrelated topic, Len and I had a long, long talk last night after we went to bed. There were a couple of things I had been keeping from him that I needed to talk about before we made our big move. One of them had little to nothing to do with him..more to do with past involvements of mine, but I had never told him the full story because it casts me in an unpleasant light (much deserved, mind you)...and, I don't know. He worries so much anyway.

The second thing is not something I can discuss anywhere close to freely on here. It was something that many people would consider to be insignificant, but I didn't, and I knew he wouldn't, so I could never bring myself to tell him....until last night, when I pretty much spilled my guts all over the place. It was none too pleasant...I cried so much I thought I was going to be sick. *sigh*

...and what does he do? He goes right ahead and loves me anyway. He was upset, yes....sad, maybe a little angry. But he loved me anyway. He said so. I have a lot of things in my life that I don't feel that I deserve, and he is #1. Honestly...where do people like that COME from?

I remember not long after we started dating...maybe a month or two, I sat him down and told him, straight up, every character flaw I had, or had ever been accused of having...I can be selfish, manipulative, jealous, needy, clingy, melodramatic, moody, inconsiderate...the list went on and on...I even volunteered to write them all down and stick them on his wall, for reference' sake. He thought I was kidding. I assured him that I wasn't....and guess what he did? He loved me anyway...and he still does. Try as I might to be good, I have been every one of those things at least half a dozen times in the past year...and he has never gotten truly angry at me. Not once. He's just....I can't explain it. I really can't. Sometimes I just sit there, in awe of the person he is....and of how lucky I am. I figure anyone, myself included, could probably do with being a bit more like Len.

...and that's where it all started, I guess...the outpouring of my guts last night. The realization hit me that I want to be the kind of girl he deserves. I want to be kind and thoughtful and patient....and honest. Above all, honest. It's going to take some changes...man, can I ever be an asshole sometimes...but I think I can do it. I've already started.

...I don't know if it's possible to love someone too much...I know that sounds horrifically cheesy, but I've wondered from time to time whether I'm too swept up in this whole thing. Then I think...am I happy? Yes...and more than that, I'm content. It's hard to explain why contentment is better than happy to me...I guess because happiness can come and go...you have good days and bad days. But contentment is just...good. All the time. Not miserable, but not ecstatic...just a steady stream of warm and safe and soft and....good. I like it.